Life and how to live it

This blog post has been months in the making, and I don’t say that as a good thing. My last post was in May, and I have thought about writing something countless times since then. At various points – inevitably when I haven’t been at a computer – I’ve thought through the points I want to make, things I should link to, etc., but I’ve barely made any productive notes other than saving a couple of articles.

Many times, I’ve thought, “OK, tonight is when I’m going to sit down and write” … not so much. I get tired. I get distracted. A lot of the time, after being at my desk at the office all day, sitting down in front of a computer is the last thing I want to do (but somehow I still manage to look at my phone more than I should on those nights).

I try to give myself some grace. I have a full-time job and a full-time family, and the combination can be a lot to deal with at times. The key qualifier there is “at times” – have I really had good excuses for more than half a year?

Of course not. And in the words of Jason Dean, “Everybody’s life has got static. Is your life perfect?”

In other words, I’m no different from anyone else. My challenges are not special. My struggles to do what I know I should do (like write blog posts) are not unique. No one really cares how busy I am or how tired I am because they’re busy and tired, too.

A couple of months ago in my Sunday school class, we spent some time discussing what makes a Christian different, and how we can attract other people to follow Jesus Christ.

(I say “Jesus Christ” there with some purpose, because something else I’ve discussed with people recently has been how the vague notion of a capital-G “God” has a certain level of casual acceptance in the U.S. – God Bless America, In God We Trust, “Oh my God”, etc. – but if you start talking about how you follow Jesus, that’s when people tend to react more strongly, either positively or negatively. There is indeed power in the name.)

One Sunday we focused on the fact that becoming a Christian should lead to changes in your life. I should be able to point to how I live my life differently now compared to how I lived when I was not a Christian. Hence the title of this post, which also happens to be the name of a very good R.E.M. song (from an underrated and often overlooked album).

Life and how to live it. What an enormous topic. I think the size of it has been part of the reason I’ve struggled to finish this post (which I started in September). Feelings of inadequacy start to creep in: “What could I possibly contribute on this topic? There are so many people out there who are smarter than me, who are wiser than me, who know more about the Bible than I do, who have written entire books on this kind of thing, etc. Why should I bother?”

I’ve also been having a hard time with living life. I can feel sorry for myself or put-upon, to the point that when I have some free time, I can be defiant about using it to do absolutely nothing (because, you know, I’ve been working so hard at everything).

December is a hard month for me anyway. The reduced amount of daylight messes with my mood and mental health, and all the fun of the Christmas season (which I wrote about here) gets overwhelming – to the point where I just want to withdraw completely and do nothing. Sense a theme here? I fall into the Peter Gibbons rut, when he thought about what he would do if he had a million dollars: “I would do nothing.” Or my thoughts can really start running wild and to some dark places if I’m not careful. And I can end up feeling hopeless like this guy (and really, sometimes eating does help. I like Snickers, but not as much as I like Baby Ruth bars).

So, yeah, I’ve been having a hard time. And again, that keeps me from writing. The feeling keeps creeping in whenever I think about the blog: Why should I try to write something for other people when I can’t even handle my own business?

Well, if I go back to my very first post, I felt called by God to do this. And lately I haven’t been doing it. Disobedience. Not good. But now I’m writing this post. Obedience. Better. How many Christian bloggers are out there already? I don’t know, but I need to add my voice. As far as my life and how to live it, this blog is one way I try to be different.

There are plenty of other ways. A non-exhaustive list:

1.       Treat people differently, by loving them as God loves me.

2.       Speak differently. Keep a rein on my tongue so that it doesn’t inflict damage.

3.       Spend my money differently. What are my priorities – my stuff, or my God?

4.       Use my time differently. If I’m going to have a relationship with God, I need to spend time with God. Sitting in church once a week isn’t enough. (Or as one of my friends put it, “Sitting in a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.”)

Time, money, words, and deeds. Those are some big-ticket items right there. Of course, eternal salvation through Jesus Christ is pretty big, too. As 2018 draws to a close, and we get ready to celebrate an arbitrarily-chosen endpoint to another trip around the sun (i.e., New Year’s), I hope I can show the people around me something about my relationship with Jesus – through what I do and say on a daily basis. It’s a tall order, but “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

And that’s a pretty good guide for life … and how I should live it.

Good news, continued

In light of my most recent blog post, today’s “verse of the day” in my Bible app seems particularly relevant:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Paul’s point is that even though our earthly bodies may be getting older and weaker (which seems like bad news), our spirits — through our faith in Christ — are renewed and strengthened every day. Very good news.

Good news for people who love bad news

We may not admit it, but most of us like bad news. It’s interesting. It grabs our attention. It gives us something to talk about. It’s why we gawk at car wrecks. It’s why television news is known for the cynical “if it bleeds, it leads” approach. A musician of some fame wrote a pretty biting song about it in the mid-1980s; here is a video (not made by the musician) that uses the song.

(By the way, if the title of this post sounds vaguely familiar, it’s probably because you remember this song. The name of the album provided the name for this post, and the song actually talks about “good news” being on the way.)

As it turns out, we’re wired this way – bad things have more impact on us than good things. In some ways, that’s a relief to know. It explains why I can remember the few cutting, hurtful things a loved one may have said to me over a period of decades, but I can’t remember the incredibly loving thing they said to me last week. On the other hand, it’s discouraging. Why can’t I have a more positive outlook? Why can’t I value the good news and carry it with me?

The more self-aware members of the media understand this frustration and try to help us out in small ways. For example, the Washington Post has an email newsletter called “The Optimist: Stories that inspire” that includes uplifting stories from the past few days. How odd it is that we need a special newsletter to give us good news. Of course, I wonder how many people who don’t get the newsletter actually read those stories – good news isn’t interesting, after all.

Thankfully, the best “good news” has been available for about 2,000 years. Anyone who has watched “A Charlie Brown Christmas” has heard this.

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.” (Luke 2:9-11)

Mark introduces his history of Jesus’ life as the “beginning of the good news about Jesus the Messiah, the son of God”. (Mark 1:1)

And when Jesus began his earthly ministry by calling his first group of disciples, he proclaimed:

Repent and believe the good news! (Mark 1:15)

I’ve spent a lot of time in the book of Mark lately. My Bible study group is about two-thirds of the way through it, and now the pastor at my church has started a sermon series on it. When things like that happen, it’s usually a pretty good indication that God wants me to pay attention to the material. (And maybe share some of it with you.)

So here is the good news for you, random citizen. God loves everyone – including you, including your socially awkward co-worker who has no concept of personal boundaries, and including your strange neighbor who likes to mow his grass in the dark.

God knows everything – I mean, everything – you’ve done, and he loves you anyway. That is pretty remarkable … and it is extremely good news.

And all we have to do to return that love – to enter into a personal relationship with God – is exactly what Jesus said: (1) repent, and (2) believe.

I’d like to flip the order, though. To me, the first step is belief. I believe in the Father (God), the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit. I believe that the Father sent his Son to die for everyone’s sins, so that whoever accepts (i.e., believes in) the Son as their savior will have eternal life.

Once you believe – once you have displayed faith – then repentance should follow. This is not a one-time event where you say, “God, please forgive me for my sins. We’re good now, right? Thanks so much!” and then carry on living life the same way you were before.

True repentance flavors the rest of our lives. It leads us to seek out and obey God’s will, to do good works (the second part of the whole “faith and works” thing) in his name. If we repent, we don’t hold on to our old way of life. We don’t put idols – money, work, fame, success – before our relationship with God.

To use one more example from Mark, chapter 10 records Jesus’ encounter with a man who is usually referred to as the “rich young ruler”. The man has faith – he believes – but Jesus wants him to repent:

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. (Mark 10:21-22)

This isn’t an order for all of us to sell all of our belongings. What Jesus is telling us, though, is that if we truly believe in him, then we need to show it – we need to “bear fruit”, as it’s often said – with our actions. We cannot continue to put our old ways ahead of our relationship with him. Despite the rich young ruler’s faith, he still valued his wealth above everything else, and he could not “repent”.

To some people reading this, this might sound like bad news. You can’t do whatever you want. You can’t pursue earthly happiness as your No. 1 goal. That doesn’t sound like much fun.

Earthly happiness and fun, though, are all too fleeting. There will always be more bad news – at times, it will be overwhelming. And at the end of our lives, the question will linger: “Is this all there is?”

The answer to that question? No. There is much more that God wants to share with us.

That is very good news … for everyone – even those of us who usually like bad news.

It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am

Humility has been on my heart and mind a lot in 2018. It started at a men’s retreat I attended in February with about 20 other men from my church. The last night of the retreat, we stood around a fire and talked about the things we needed to pray about – especially things we needed to get rid of. For those things, the idea was to write it on a piece of paper and throw it into the fire. I wrote “pride”.

My pastor in northern Virginia had a really good line about pride that has always stuck with me. It centered on the tendency to think, “It was a pretty good day in heaven when God made me.”

I struggle with that sentiment sometimes. I think about my earthly talents and accomplishments, and I focus on the approval of others.

In particular, I struggle with my attitude about this blog. I want people to read it – because I want to contribute my small part in encouraging others to follow Jesus – but I’m hesitant to do a lot of promotion or to tell a lot of people about it – because I’m afraid I’ll start making it more about me, how many views I get, how many compliments I get, etc. Our pastor told a dead-on story a couple of weeks ago about being a young pastor who was asked to fill in for a more senior person, and he told the senior person about how nervous he was. The senior person immediately voiced his displeasure and provided a stern reminder that it was not about the person leading. (Our pastor also mentioned that the Greek word for “boast” comes from a root word meaning “windbag”. Sounds about right.)

So, this blog is not about me. It’s not about how much I know or how well I write. I clearly don’t know everything, which makes me just like everyone else … except that I see a lot of people who sure act like they know everything. I see it at work, on TV, in sports – everywhere. Unfortunately, I see it in myself, too, although it’s usually (and fortunately, I suppose) on a much smaller and more private scale. One recent reminder came in the form of Sudoku puzzles, of all things. I like doing them, so my daughter got me a puzzle-a-day calendar for Christmas. The difficulty levels are easy, medium, hard, and evil. I have a pretty good routine for how I solve each one, and even the “evil” ones usually aren’t that difficult. Of course, the other day I decided to abandon my routine for an “easy” puzzle … and I promptly messed it up because I didn’t notice a certain number. Humbling.

Being humble doesn’t mean standing still, staying quiet, and doing nothing, though. I’m still supposed to do something with what God has given me.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.           — Ephesians 2:9-10 (emphasis added)

I’ve had some other recent reminders about humility. I just finished doing annual reviews for the people I supervise at work, and I found it very humbling for two reasons: (1) It reminded me how much I depend on them to do their jobs well; and (2) it reminded me how providing coaching and feedback is probably my biggest weakness as a manager. I just don’t like to do it, and I feel inadequate when I try. But I still try, humbly.

After Billy Graham died last month, I read this remembrance of Graham as an imperfect “humble warrior”. Graham left a legacy of spreading Christ’s love to literally millions of people, which is frankly kind of intimidating, so I looked to someone a little more accessible for another example of humility: Ebenezer Scrooge.

Early in A Christmas Carol, Scrooge makes a callous remark about reducing the “surplus population”. The Ghost of Christmas Present quotes that phrase back to Scrooge before offering this:

Will you decide what men shall live, what men shall die? It may be, that in the sight of Heaven, you are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man’s child [Tiny Tim]. Oh God! To hear the Insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust!

As we know, Scrooge turns over a new leaf by the end:

Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter at the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.

A remarkable transformation, no doubt. From this last message, it’s clear Scrooge is humble, but he is also confident. He is confident in who he is and in his outlook on life. A humble man can be confident, not prideful.

I recently finished reading the Man Maker Project and am now (slowly) making my way through the corresponding workbook as I try to put together a plan to transition my younger son from a boy into a young man. When the two of us went shopping for soccer gear earlier this month, I took the opportunity to introduce the topic to him and asked him what he thought the characteristics of a good man were – I told him to think about men he knew and others he’d read about or watched. After some hemming and hawing, what was the first thing he came up with? “He should be humble.”

Wow. Whatever I was expecting to hear, that was not it. I hope it’s a sign that I – and the other men in my son’s life – have done a halfway decent job so far.

My wife has her own high-profile favorite that she has pointed to as an example recently: Virginia basketball coach Tony Bennett.

Bennett has “five pillars” for his program: humility, passion, unity, servanthood, and thankfulness. Toward the end of the regular season, Virginia pulled off a miraculous win at Louisville with five points in the last second of the game. In his post-game remarks, one of the first things Bennett mentioned was the compassion he felt for Louisville after such a tough loss.

More success followed that win: the ACC regular season title; the ACC tournament championship; a unanimous No. 1 ranking; the No. 1 overall seed in the NCAA tournament.

But then last week, Virginia became the first No. 1 seed in the history of the men’s basketball tournament to lose to a No. 16 seed. They didn’t just lose – they got whupped by Maryland-Baltimore County. If the two teams played 100 times, Virginia probably would win 95 times, maybe more. But on that night, in that arena, UMBC played incredibly well, and Virginia fell apart. The better team won. End of story.

Shocking failure on a national stage. Beyond humbling, no doubt. Bennett didn’t run away from it. He didn’t deflect blame or refuse to give credit to UMBC. Here are some excerpts from his press conference. The national media took note of his grace; this article is one of many.

The fan in me doesn’t take much solace in that – he wants a trip to the Final Four, not a loss people will talk about every March for years to come. But the guy in me who is trying to be humble, who is trying to do a little better every day in his walk with Jesus, who is trying to be a man his children can admire – well, he is very thankful to cheer for a team that is led by someone like Tony Bennett.

In my weekly Bible study, we’ve been talking about how we need to constantly work on our relationship with God in order to see what he is doing in our lives. Sure enough, as I’ve dwelled on humility the past couple of months, it seems like I find a verse about that very thing almost every time I open my Bible. I’ve listed a few of the verses below. I’ll start with my favorite.

• Micah 6:8 – He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4c-5c – [Love] does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
• Proverbs 3:34 – [The Lord] mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and the oppressed.
• James 4:10 – Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
• James 3:13 – Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
• Mark 8:34-37 – Then [Jesus] called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

“Evangelical” – What does that even mean? And does it matter?

During the past few months, I’ve seen a lot — I mean, A LOT — of news articles, opinion pieces, and analyses about a particular type of Christian known as the “evangelical”. A few of my friends have suggested that I write a post on the subject; most of these suggestions have been accompanied by links to stories on evangelicals and their politics.

I’ll be honest: In all my years as a Christian, I’ve never really thought about what “evangelical” meant. I’ve just never been big on labels. Growing up, I went to United Methodist and Presbyterian churches. As an adult, I’ve belonged to churches that subscribed to different flavors of the Baptist line of thinking.

Another way to say this is I’ve never spent a lot of time getting hung up on human doctrine. I believe in the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the son of God, and that through him I have salvation and eternal life. I believe the greatest commandments are to love God and to love my neighbor. Maybe my focus on those foundational points is naïve or simplistic, but everything else in my Christian walk really does flow from those statements.

I never considered myself a “fundamentalist” back when that was a high-profile term because I didn’t care for a lot of the condemnation that seemed to go with fundamentalist doctrine. I never considered myself a member of the “religious right” because I’ve never really aligned myself with the Republican Party. But now I’ve found myself wondering whether I’m an “evangelical”.

When I read something like this article from two years ago, calling myself an evangelical sounds spot-on if it means believing something like this:

We need a gospel that embraces suffering, not as judgment or punishment, but as solidarity with the persecuted, marginalized, and oppressed of the world. We need a gospel that offers transcendence and hope instead of perpetual fear and judgment. We need a gospel that stands fearlessly in front of both persecutors and persecuted and offers grace to all.

That sounds great, and so does the rest of the article. So maybe I’m an evangelical …

… or maybe not. Because a lot can happen in two years, and now a word can mean something completely different.

I haven’t read every recent article I’ve seen about evangelicals, but I’ve read quite a few. Take this one: It breaks down the basic four-part definition of “evangelical” and concludes that the term really means nothing because people use it to mean whatever they want. This one advocates for burying the term “evangelical” because it has become so politicized. So does this one.

Overall, it certainly seems like “evangelical” has become a synonym for “Donald Trump supporter”. (I did not vote for Trump, and I am not a fan. See my pre-election and post-election thoughts on that point.) For several weeks, it seemed like every other article I read was about evangelicals and their relationship with Trump:

1. How evangelicals are standing by Trump. [Washington Post]
2. Tim Keller (a well-known pastor and author) examined whether evangelicalism can survive Trump (and Roy Moore). [The New Yorker]
3. How the “evangelical” label has become too toxic for some people to use. [Washington Post]
4. A theology professor made the point that we shouldn’t run from the label “evangelical”, but at the same time, maybe leading with our denomination as an identifier makes more sense these days. [First Things]
5. An examination of how the “values voter” seems to have disappeared. [The Atlantic] The piece includes this wonderful nugget: According to polling results, “White evangelicals are now more tolerant of immoral behavior by elected officials than the average American.” Let that sink in for a moment.
6. An analysis of President Obama’s interactions with evangelicals, and his point that a Christian’s faith should cure fear. [Christianity Today] Key passage: “Fear was the primary basis of Donald Trump’s appeals to evangelicals. He did not pretend he was one of them. He told them they were alone, that Democrats were out to get them, that ISIS was ‘drowning Christians in steel cages,’ and only he could protect them. He offered himself as a bully. Yes, he had flaws. Yes, his pagan approach to sex, money and power was evident and unseemly, inconveniently brought to the surface repeatedly during his campaign. But he would be their bully. If Hillary Clinton won, who would protect them?”
7. This opinion column on what defines a Christian refers to an online petition titled, “A Declaration by American Evangelicals Concerning Donald Trump“. [Washington Post] Hint: The people who signed the petition don’t care for him.
8. Is Trump a Blessing or Curse for Religious Conservatives? [New York Times]
9. Has Support for Moore Stained Evangelicals? [New York Times]
10. A look at “Fox Evangelicalism“. [New York Times]
11. A look at the extremists inside both the Republican and Democrat parties, and what that means for the two-party system. [New York Times] It has one reference to evangelicals: “Under the influence of this [scarcity] mentality, evangelicalism turns from a faith into a siege-mentality interest group that reveres a pagan immoralist.”
12. This title is pretty self-explanatory: “Why I Can No Longer Call Myself an Evangelical Republican”. [New York Times]
13. Ross Douthat took conservative “swine” to task. [New York Times] His conclusion: “[Evangelicals] decided with Donald Trump and may decide with Roy Moore that in the war against secular liberalism, they simply can’t afford to police the morals of their leaders. It’s a theory that makes sense if you think only of today’s elections, but in the long term it’s cultural suicide – because it tells your neighbors and your children that your religious convictions are always secondary to your partisanship.” (emphasis added) As one of my Bible study friends recently asked the group, “Who is my King? Do I live a life that makes it obvious that Jesus is my King?”
14. This isn’t a recent article, but here is a March 2016 article called What Wouldn’t Jesus Do?, arguing why evangelicals should not support Donald Trump. [New York Times]

Well, enough piling on. After reading all of that, I think the term “evangelical” has been hijacked, and it’s not a label I want to choose. I’m a Christian. I’m a Baptist. I’ll leave it at that.

My family is getting ready to join a new church, one that is Southern Baptist. The Southern Baptist Faith and Message is a summary of doctrine for that denomination, and in the section on religious liberty, I found this: “The church should not resort to the civil power to carry on its work. The gospel of Christ contemplates spiritual means alone for the pursuit of its ends.” How about that? It’s like it’s saying that we should put our faith in Christ instead of in elected officials. Oh, that is what it’s saying. Right. A few years ago, that outlook may have been described as evangelical. I’m not sure that’s true now.

I’m reading a biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer called “Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy”. I didn’t know a whole lot about him before opening the book, and what I’ve read so far has been pretty amazing (and I haven’t even gotten to World War II yet). If you don’t know much about him, either, click on the link in the previous sentence and spend a few minutes reading about him. He was a remarkable man. When so many Christians around him were embracing the Nazis, he was actively resisting them – and paid for it with his life. In the chapter that begins with Adolf Hitler’s election as chancellor in 1933, there is a quote from Bonhoeffer:

The church has only one altar, the altar of the Almighty … before which all creatures must kneel. Whoever seeks something other than this must keep away, he cannot join us in the house of God. … The church has only one pulpit, and from that pulpit, faith in God will be preached, and no other faith, and no other will than the will of God, however well-intentioned.

“No other will than the will of God.” That’s what I should be seeking, no matter what label I use for my faith. To go back to the very first article I quoted above, I should have a faith that is based on hope, not perpetual fear.

However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” – the things God has prepared for those who love him – these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.          — 1 Corinthians 2:9

Once more, with feeling: Peace!

How is it the middle of January already? I’ve been thinking about this post since early December, and yet, I’m not finishing it and posting it until now.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again: Distractions. Distractions. Distractions. Distractions. (If it helps, picture someone jumping around stage yelling that over and over, just like Steve Ballmer.)

I am very prone to distractions. And I’m very good at justifying them — after all, I really need to respond to these emails. And it’s been a long day, so I need to relax and watch a game on TV. And the house is a little messy, so I need to clean right now. And I’ve been meaning to organize some files, so I’m going to work on that.

Good reasons, right? Maybe — there is a time for all of those things, after all — but to use a saying you might hear at the office, I can’t mistake busy-ness for productivity (i.e., obedience). Staying “busy” is a great way to avoid sitting down, quieting my mind, and drafting a blog post with the aim of glorifying God.

The thing that really drives me nuts is that I know I’m doing this. I know that I have told myself multiple times in the past few weeks that tonight would be a good night to do my blog post … but hey, look at this other thing that “needs” to be done. (Squirrel!) And every time I know what I’m supposed to do but don’t do it, it eats at my peace … because I know I’m not being obedient; I know I’m not using my spiritual and earthly gifts the way God wants me to. (For two previous posts on peace, see here and here.)

Distraction. I don’t remember where I heard or read this exact phrase, but I have it in quotes in my notes: “Anything that distracts us from God is fatal.” That may sound like overstating it, but what it means is this: One distraction can lead to another, and another, and another … and eventually you’ve strayed so far from the path that the distractions have crowded out God in your life. You don’t read the Bible. You don’t pray. You don’t worship with other Christians. You fall into a more comfortable position of, “Sure, I believe in God, and I just try to be a good person.” Before you know it, Satan is helping you define (and re-define, when it suits) what a “good person” looks like. That, my friends, is what “fatal” means.

Consider this New York Times piece about “Christians” who have disconnected from any church body, any sense of belonging to a group of believers. Spoiler alert: The effects are not good. This is a problem because even Christians who are trying to do things “right” still struggle with obedience; people who aren’t bothering even with that much effort are already at high risk of becoming a “fatality”.

Even when we’re trying to do things right, we still have our own ideas of what that means. In the words of this article, we insist on arm-wrestling with God. Why? The article has a few ideas:

• We doubt God is good.
• We doubt God knows what is best for us.
• We doubt God loves us.
• We doubt God is for us.

I struggle especially with the second point. Look at all I’ve accomplished doing things my way, God! Uh-huh. Sure. Maybe I can back up and look at all the trouble I’ve caused while I was doing things my way, too. Maybe I can look at all the times God saved me from myself, for reasons known only to him. Instead, I too often give God the “yes but”: “Yes, I hear you on doing the blog post, but I need to do this other thing. I’ll get to the blog post, I promise.”

And then it’s a few weeks later. Or a few months, or even years. And we find ourselves wondering what happened, because relying on our own strength always worked so well in the past, but now it feels like it could be … fatal. Our peace has vanished because we destroyed it.

On Christmas Eve, I heard a sermon where one of the main points was, “We cannot achieve peace. We can only receive it from Jesus.” If I’m distracted, I’m not focused on receiving my peace. If I’m chasing my own desires or focusing on my own accomplishments, I’m not focused on receiving my peace. As Paul wrote,

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.     — Romans 12:1-2

God’s will for me is “good, pleasing and perfect”. If I just listen and obey, things will be OK.

This afternoon I’m going to officiate some youth basketball games. It’s my annual window to do it on a couple of Saturdays for an Upward league in town. (A couple of years ago, I wrote about it here.) I’ve gotten two emails in the past 24 hours warning me that compliance with some of the rules unique to Upward has not been ideal so far this season. So that could fall to me and the other referee to keep things under control and keep everything within the rules.

Ugh. I don’t like the idea of having to enforce order. I know it’s not going to be a big deal, but I still prefer games where people do what they’re supposed to do, and of course there are a few fouls from people trying to make good plays, but for the most part, no one is actively defying the rules. In other words, I really appreciate it when everyone is at peace with the rules and with the other players.

I hope you see the parallels here. I picture God sometimes, shaking his head and thinking, “If they would just do what I told them! They know the rules. And how many times have I talked to that guy one-on-one, and he still isn’t listening.”

I need to listen. I need to receive instead of trying to constantly achieve. In the well-known Serenity Prayer, the first words are “God, grant me”. If I want peace, I need to quit trying to do it myself (“After I get this one thing done, then I can relax” — like I’m going to be able to relax permanently at some point).

God, grant me peace.